Chloe Ferguson

In memory of my beutiful Elias

My Beautiful Elias — Forever My Son

On 6th August 2026, at 20:47, my beautiful baby boy, Elias Zayd William Ferguson, was born sleeping.

There are no words that can truly explain what it feels like to give birth to your baby and not hear them cry. To know that the moment you had imagined so many times — meeting your baby, hearing their first cry, holding them in your arms — would be so heartbreakingly different.

Elias was not just a pregnancy. He was not just a late miscarriage. He was my son. He was my beautiful baby boy, and becoming his mummy changed my life forever.

I had imagined everything. I imagined watching him grow, hearing him laugh, seeing his first steps, hearing him call me Mummy and watching the little person he would become. Instead, I was left having to say goodbye before I had even had the chance to say hello properly.

The day I gave birth to Elias was one of the hardest days of my life. I lost around 3 litres of blood and needed a blood transfusion and surgery. Physically, my body went through something I never imagined I would experience. Emotionally, I was completely broken.

Yet somehow, Elias brought me through it.

I truly believe my little boy was my guardian angel. I believe that somehow, his little life gave mine a purpose to keep going. His time with me was far too short, but I will always believe that he left a part of himself with me.

I got to hold him. I got to see his beautiful face. I got to dress him, cuddle him and tell him how much his mummy loved him. Those moments were precious, even though they were moments I never should have had to experience in that way.

His name means so much to me.

Elias means “The Lord is my God.”
Zayd represents growth and blessing.
William was chosen in memory of Uncle William Ferguson, someone who stepped up and has always held a special place in our family.

I carry Elias with me every single day. I have his little teddy, his cardigan and his hospital blankets. I hold onto these things because they are pieces of the little boy I love more than words can explain. Uncle William even bought a star and named it after Elias, so when I look up at the sky, I know my beautiful boy has a little piece of the universe that belongs to him.

On 27th August, we said our final goodbye to Elias and laid him to rest. It was one of the hardest days I have ever lived through, but it was also a day filled with so much love. So many people came to stand beside me, even in the rain, to show Elias that he mattered and that he was loved.

The rain felt like heaven crying with us, and I found comfort in believing that perhaps it was a sign that Elias was being welcomed into heaven with love.

I am so grateful to everyone who has supported me, my family and Elias throughout this journey. To the people who have checked in, listened, cried with me, stood beside me and simply been there — thank you.

I am also incredibly grateful to the bereavement team and everyone who cared for me and Elias. During the darkest time of my life, the kindness and compassion shown to us will never be forgotten.

There are days when the grief feels unbearable. There are moments when I still cannot believe this is my life. I wonder who Elias would have been, what he would have looked like as he grew, what his laugh would have sounded like and what kind of little boy he would have become.

I will never get the answers to those questions.

But I do know this:

Elias existed.
Elias was loved.
Elias was wanted.
Elias mattered.
And Elias will always be my son.

His life was short, but his impact on my life will last forever.

I will carry him in my heart for the rest of my life. I will speak his name. I will remember his tiny hands, his little face and every precious moment I was given with him.

And one day, when I look up at the stars, I will think of my beautiful boy.

Sleep peacefully, my Elias.

Until the day I can hold you again,
I will love you endlessly.

Love you always,
Mummy 🤍🩵