Swimming 10k in November for Sands: My 'Why'
Having experienced miscarriages, followed more recently by a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that required emergency surgery, I’ve come to understand just how lonely and complex pregnancy loss can be.It’s the lack of answers, the constant what ifs, and the pressure to pretend you’re OK when, inside, you’re struggling to make sense of what’s happened. It’s showing up to work and carrying on with everyday life while you’re actively losing something you wanted so desperately.
It’s sitting in an early pregnancy unit, surrounded by uncertainty, knowing that you may never get to experience the pregnancy journey you’d imagined. It’s watching the joy of others around you while trying to navigate feelings that can be difficult to explain, even to yourself.
Until you experience pregnancy or baby loss, it’s hard to comprehend the conflicting emotions that come with it. Wanting to talk about it, but not wanting to dwell on it. Wanting to move forward, but struggling to move past it. Being happy for others while quietly grieving what you’ve lost yourself.
So many women experience these losses while fighting battles nobody else can see. They put on a brave face, carry on with their lives and find ways to keep going, often while feeling incredibly alone.
Swimming has always been something I’ve loved. There’s something about being in the water that feels peaceful. It gives me time to think, to process things and simply be with my own thoughts. Taking on a 10k swim feels like a way to channel that time and space into something meaningful.
I’m doing this for Sands and for the many women and families who have experienced pregnancy and baby loss. For those still searching for answers, those trying again, those putting on a brave face, and those learning to live with a grief that others may never fully understand.
If taking on this challenge can help raise awareness, provide support to families who need it, or help someone feel a little less alone in their experience, then every length will be worth it.
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