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I'm fundraising in aid of Sands, for every much-loved baby sadly not here today.
My story began when I went for my 20 weekend scan, everything seemed ok heart beat strong, moving like no tomorrow but then they left the room, said ‘I will be back in a minute’ as I lay starring at the tv on the wall off my baby I knew something was off they don’t just walk out while scanning.
Then she came back and said we need to get to Liverpool woman’s hospital the following week to double check my baby’s kidneys. The day came went in for the internal scan and my baby had no kidneys. My baby was slowly suffocating and there wasn’t anything I could do. At the age of 23 this isn’t what I wanted to hear, my baby was already loved. The doctors said the best way so I get to hold my baby was a medically advised abortion. ‘Abortion my baby is loved, wanted and will always be just that’ was my response. I was told otherwise I would miscarry at home most probably on the toilet and never get to hold my child.
At 23 weeks 3 days (17th december 2009) my baby’s heart stopped I knew it she just stopped moving no warning just stopped. I went in to hospital and was induced on the 19th December, all I could think is ‘please not today it’s, your cousins birthday any day but today’
My baby girl was born on 20th December at 12.01am, while holding her saying our goodbyes, and getting her blessed there was a butterfly on the window, and snow began to fall.
My baby girl was at peace, watching from above how loved she is, the government state she was never born or died but I know I gave birth to my baby girl, I held her in my arms and I will always know she was born on the 20th.
I struggled badly after that, and ended up in counselling to help me. Was put on all sorts off tablets but they didn’t work. I know she is up there and hope she is proud of what she sees.
If it wasn’t for sands that day we would not have the memories that we still have today thanks to their memory box.
Sands ensure that everyone affected by the loss of a baby gets the support they need and deserve when facing the toughest of times. They campaign for change, provide training for midwives and healthcare professionals, and support research so that fewer babies die and so that less families experience the tragedy of losing their baby. Anything you are able to donate means so much.
Thank you.
