Karen Martin

I’m swimming in November for families facing baby loss

I’ve committed to swimming this November in memory of every much-loved baby who is sadly not here today.

In November 2008, I experienced a miscarriage, followed just a couple of months later, in early 2009, by a missed miscarriage that required surgery.

Sadly, we weren’t offered any professional support. My own GP even told me that I “didn’t need to get in a tiz about it”. People seemed to find it odd if I wanted to talk about what had happened and didn’t really understand why I needed time off work or why I was so upset. This left both of us feeling incredibly isolated at a time when we needed understanding, compassion and support the most.

Comments such as “at least you’ve got one child”, “it was meant to be” and “at least you know you can conceive”, alongside reminders of how busy things had been at work in my absence, only added to the hurt. The apparent lack of professional understanding of how to support someone experiencing pregnancy loss left me feeling guilty for being so devastated.

I never truly processed the grief and pain these losses caused because I didn’t feel I was fully allowed to be sad about them.

Now, 17 years later, whilst I feel truly blessed to have three beautiful, healthy teenagers and young adults, I often wonder how much of that silent pain and guilt we could have been spared if, as a couple, we had been made aware of and signposted to charities such as Sands.

Sands ensures that everyone affected by the loss of a baby gets the support they need and deserve during the toughest of times. They also campaign for change and provide training for midwives and healthcare professionals, helping to prevent baby deaths and reduce the number of families who experience the tragedy of losing their baby.

By taking on this swimming challenge, I hope to help raise awareness, support the incredible work Sands does, and contribute to a world where no one has to navigate the heartbreak of baby loss feeling alone.