Story time
Thursday 11th Sep
I'm not a big public sharer but here goes a part of my story and why i'm running 50k this September.
50k or 1.6km a day running maybe isn't alot, people train for miles to run huge marathons for fun. But i'm no runner so this and the reasons why it's close to my heart.
A "1 in 6" statistic, means if you're at a meal with 12 of your girl friends, that 2 of you are likely to suffer the pain, devastation and trauma that comes with miss carrying or pregnancy related infant death.
Before I had experienced it myself, it wasn't something that I had really thought about. I'm sure its not something many expectant mothers do. It wasn't something I thought or realised how high the statistics were for something that goes so unspoken about so easily. I understand it's not an easy topic to discuss, but finding out how many close friends were also in that 1in6 was shocking to me, especially when in that moment it's one of the lonlist times.
I am blessed to have my beautiful Thomas, but even then, falling pregnant again wasn't easy. The feelings after an experience, is not the same. With what should have been excitement and joy is shadowed by an overwhelming amount of fear. Every scan, every appointment, every time you sit down on the toilet, if you suddendly bleed, if you don't feel them enough - the joy is replaced by constant worry. A fear for me that ran so deep, I never wanted to publicly announce my pregnancy until he was here and somewhat safe.
I count myself as one of the "lucky ones" I guess, I have my rainbow baby, and if I never successfully carry again he will always be more then enough. But some families don't get that experience, and for all of them my heart silently breaks knowing part of your pain.
Loosing a baby at any point is devastating, you already plan in your head, is it a boy or a girl? What do I need for them? Where am I going to put their stuff? What names do I like? I wonder if they will like horses!? - but when does it become a baby for you? When it has a heart beat? When it has 10 fingers and toes? When they are happily in your arms?
I feel guilty sharing my story, knowing people, friends, acquaintances would have suffered more so I hope sharing this does not offend or upset any ones own story.
I am doing this run for a few reasons mainly to raise money and awareness for the charity and the taboo about talking about miscarriage and infant loss, but also to help myself heal so my babies (and all the other angels) lives don't feel like they were just erased as a statstic. I know personally mine never made it earth side, or wasn't medically old enough to be counted with a birth certificate but to me they still matter, they all matter.
I am also running as since Thomas, after having a not great pregnancy, putting on excess weight, and being a new mum, it has greatly effected my confidence. I have slowly started to find time to ride on occasions again and I would love to one day box again (i'm sure his going to love that 😜), but for now I thought the cause and the commitment to the cause and myself could only help.
Share
Well done Hannah ❤️, such a good cause!