Desiree Blake

In 2023 we experienced 2 heartbreaking losses. In 2024 we are walking 100km to raise money for Sands charity. This is my reason why…

In 2023 we experienced 2 heartbreaking losses. In 2024 we are walking 100km to raise money for Sands charity. This is my reason why…

Our first loss. 

In May 23 after realising my period hadn’t come I took a test, we saw the positive test and already imagined our future. We were both so excited and started talking about how we were going to tell the kids after the 12 week scan. I had no pregnancy symptoms and thought I was just one of the lucky ones! I did worry that maybe I wasn’t actually pregnant at all, so I took another test 27th June just to make sure and it was still positive. 

On 10th July we went for the 12 week scan expecting to come out with a picture of our baby. “Sorry there is no heartbeat” were not the words we thought we would be hearing that day. The pregnancy sac was measuring 6 weeks but the baby was gone. They referred me to the early pregnancy unit to be rescanned a week later incase I had mixed up my dates. I felt like a walking tomb but tried to hold on to a little bit of hope that somehow I got it wrong. We went back a week later on 17th July and was told again sorry but there was no heartbeat and I was having a missed (silent) miscarriage which happens when there are no signs or symptoms that the baby has passed away. 

We were taken to a small room where I was given 3 options, I go home and wait for nature to take it’s course, medical management (medicine which helps the ‘pregnancy tissue’ pass) or surgical removal. I already felt like a tomb and wanted it to be over so I was booked in the next day for it to be surgically removed. I felt so guilty and had this fear that I wouldn’t wake up after being put to sleep and leaving my 2 children without a mum. 

Our second loss. 

We decided to try again and in September 23 when I saw the positive result the feeling of anxiousness overtook any joy I had. It's hard to describe that feeling of wanting something so badly, yet at the same time that feeling of absolute panic. 

I started feeling nauseous but as soon as it came it suddenly stopped at 7 weeks. I had a gut feeling the same thing had happened and I spoke to my midwife and she said there was nothing they could do at this stage and I’d have to wait til my 12 week scan and if I wanted an early scan I would have to go private. I didn’t want to spend £100 for someone to tell me the same thing had happened, so I just had to wait. 

We went on holiday when I was 10 weeks and I had a bit of spotting, when I came back when I was 11 weeks I went to the GP and explained and they got me in with the early pregnancy unit again on the 3rd November when I was 12 weeks. We were told again there was no heartbeat and the pregnancy sac measured 8 weeks. We were taken to the same room again and given the same 3 options again. This time I went down the medical management route (because of the fear of dying and leaving my kids without a mum)and was given medication to start the procedure. I couldn’t believe I was again sent away with a leaflet on baby loss and just told to try again if we felt ready. 

Within a few hours I started experiencing period like pains that progressively got worse and then started bleeding heavily. By the evening time I was in severe pain and I sat on the toilet feeling like I needed to go and that’s when I felt the majority of the miscarriage happen. I ended up passing out on the toilet from losing so much blood in a short amount of time. Shaine called the ambulance out because I couldn’t stay awake and was in and out of consciousness. It was a very traumatic experience for the both of us. 

I had a negative test 3 weeks later so that was supposed to mean that everything had passed and I had nothing to worry about. Little did I know come January 24 I would experience some severe pain again, I felt silly but it felt like contractions. Shaine took me to hospital and they refused to scan me because it had been a couple of months since the miscarriage and I had since had a negative test. The (male) doctor sent me away with pain killers and told me it was just painful periods 🙄 

A few days after this I was walking down the corridor at work and felt something come out of me. it was a golf ball sized ball of flesh so I went home and called the hospital and they said it sounds like it was remaining pregnancy tissue that had been trying to come out which is why I was experiencing the pain. It felt like I experienced the loss all over again 2 months later. 

I was told they would only investigate if I had 3 miscarriages in a row. No woman should have to experience this 3 times in a row to be heard; it's absolutely heart breaking. I decided the pain was too much to bare and we wouldn’t be trying again and grateful for the children we do have. It has taken a year for us to be able to talk about it and share our story. 

So this is why we have decided to walk 100km for charity. Sands want to ensure that everyone affected by the loss of a baby gets the support they need and deserve when facing the toughest of times. We want to campaign for change and support research so that fewer babies die and so that fewer families experience the pain of losing a baby.