Ann Nicolson

In Loving Memory of Our Beautiful Daughter, Lexi Marian Kathleen Donoghue 🩷🪽

On 23rd September 2023, our lives changed forever. That was the day I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Lexi Marian Kathleen Donoghue, at just 27 weeks pregnant. Our precious little girl was born sleeping, and with her passing, a part of our hearts went with her that we will never get back.

But our story didn’t begin on the day Lexi was born. It began four days earlier, on 19th September 2023, when I went for what I believed would be an ordinary pregnancy check-up at 26 weeks. I walked in expecting everything to be okay, expecting to hear my baby girl’s heartbeat and to carry on with the pregnancy I had dreamed so much about. I never imagined that I would leave that appointment knowing my daughter had died.

I can still remember lying there, staring up at the ceiling as the doctors searched for her heartbeat. I remember hoping, praying and desperately wanting someone to tell me everything was okay. But the words that followed were the words no parent should ever have to hear: there was no heartbeat.

In that moment, my entire world fell apart.

I had to phone Paul, Lexi’s daddy, and tell him that our little girl was gone. I then had to share the heartbreaking news with my family. There are no words to describe what it feels like to make those phone calls, knowing that the life you had imagined for your baby has suddenly been taken away from you.

What makes that day even harder to look back on is knowing that it was the first pregnancy appointment Paul had missed. I had told him he could go to work because I never imagined anything could be wrong. I wish he had been beside me. I wish we had faced those devastating moments together, with his hand in mine. But how could I have known? I went into that appointment believing our daughter was safe. No mother should ever have to prepare herself for news like that.

Even now, our doctors and consultant have no answers as to why Lexi passed away. We are left with questions that may never be answered and a heartbreak that no explanation could ever make right.

For four days, we had to live with the knowledge that our precious daughter had died, waiting for the moment we would finally meet her. Four days that changed us forever. Then, on 23rd September, I gave birth to Lexi at 27 weeks. We finally got to meet the little girl we had loved throughout my pregnancy, but not in the way any parent should have to meet their child.

We should have been bringing her home. We should have been preparing for sleepless nights, first cuddles, first smiles and all the beautiful little moments that make up a lifetime. Instead, we were faced with saying goodbye to the daughter we would give anything to have here with us today.

One of the things that hurts me deeply is that I never got a photograph with Lexi after she was born sleeping. I wish I had that picture to hold close, to look at when I miss her, and to keep as a reminder of the moment I finally got to meet my beautiful girl. There are so many things I wish had been different, so many memories I wish we could have made, and so many moments I wish we could have shared.

Losing Lexi didn’t just break our hearts. It changed our lives forever.

People often see you carrying on with everyday life and may think you are doing okay, but they don’t see the moments when the grief hits you out of nowhere. They don’t see the birthdays, the milestones and the little reminders of everything your child should be experiencing. They don’t see the future you imagined disappearing in an instant, or the pain of watching the world continue when yours feels as though it has stopped.

Paul and I both live with the loss of our daughter every single day. We are Lexi’s mummy and daddy, and that will never change. We miss the little girl we should have watched grow up. We miss the life we should have shared with her. We miss the chance to hold her, comfort her, hear her laugh, watch her take her first steps and see the person she would have become.

We will never get to bring her home, watch her grow or celebrate all the birthdays we should have had together. We will never know what her little voice would have sounded like or what her smile would have looked like as she grew older. Those are the things people can take for granted, but they are the things we would give absolutely anything to experience.

There is no moving on from losing your child. There is learning to carry a pain you never asked for, finding ways to keep going when some days feel impossible, and learning how to live in a world that is missing someone who should be right there beside you.

Lexi is not someone we used to have. She is our daughter, always will be, and always deserves to be spoken about, remembered and loved. Her life mattered, even though it was far too short. She made us parents, and nothing in this world can ever take that away from us.

That is why, this year, Paul and I are taking part in the Star Light Walk together, walking as Lexi’s mummy and daddy, in honour of our beautiful girl. We are doing this to keep her memory alive, to say her name proudly and to help support families who have experienced the unimaginable heartbreak of pregnancy and baby loss.

We are also walking in loving memory of my little nephew, Gabriel Scott Brotherston, and in memory of every precious angel baby whose family has had to leave a hospital without the future they dreamed of.

Behind every angel baby is a family, a story, a lifetime of love and a heartbreak that never truly disappears. Every one of these babies mattered. Every one deserves to be remembered. And every parent who has experienced this loss deserves to know that they are not alone.

We know that no amount of fundraising will bring our babies back, answer all our questions or take away the pain we carry. But if we can help raise awareness, support other families facing pregnancy and baby loss, or make even one grieving parent feel less alone, then every step we take will be worth it.

This walk is more than just a fundraiser for us. It is a chance to honour the daughter we never got to bring home, to remember the nephew we hold in our hearts, and to stand alongside every family who understands what it means to love and miss a baby who should still be here.

We are walking with broken hearts, but also with so much love. We are walking for the memories we never got to make, the milestones we will never get to celebrate, and the little girl who will forever be a part of our family.

If you are able to donate, no matter how big or small, we would be so grateful. If donating isn’t possible, sharing our story would mean just as much. Every donation, every share and every kind word helps us keep these precious babies’ memories alive and supports the cause that means so much to us.

To our beautiful Lexi, our precious daughter: you were loved before we ever met you, you are loved in every moment we miss you, and you will be loved for the rest of our lives.

You should be here, growing up, making memories and filling our lives with all the things we dreamed of. Although we cannot hold you in our arms, we will carry you in our hearts in everything we do. We will keep speaking your name, telling your story and making sure the world knows that you existed, you mattered and you will never be forgotten.

We wish with every part of us that our story had been different. We wish we were walking beside you instead of walking in your memory. But until the day we meet you again, we will keep walking for you, loving you and making you proud.

Forever our daughter. Forever our missing piece. Forever 27 weeks. Forever loved, forever missed and forever our beautiful angel.

All our love, always and forever,

Mummy and Daddy 🩷🪽✨