Alana Baddoo

Day 7 update 🤍 - Blog: “ No heartbeat.” 💔

Today I completed my 2K. I did get it done, although I was a little slower than usual - but I showed up, and that’s what matters.

I also want to continue sharing my pregnancy story. This part is one I never imagined I would be writing.

By this point, everyone important to me knew I was pregnant. We were excited, hopeful, and had so much to look forward to. Brandon and I were also working like dogs to put as much money aside as possible.

We also had a trip booked to Kraków, Poland, for Brandon’s birthday. Looking back now, the whole trip feels surreal - it was completely sober, really low-key, and honestly such a romantic getaway. We explored, sight-saw, and spent real quality time together.

One of Brandon’s birthday treats was a visit to shoot Soviet guns. When we arrived, Brandon told the driver that I was pregnant, and he advised that I shouldn’t take part because of the sound waves and explained how it could affect the baby. Instead, they set up a live stream for me to watch from reception while Brandon lived his best life. There was no way we were risking our little pea! 👼🏼🫛 Watching him enjoy himself was actually really special.

That evening, we were getting ready to go out for his birthday dinner when I noticed a slight red tone in my urine. I panicked instantly. I sent a photo to my mum and Hannah, who reassured me that it could be implantation bleeding and told me not to worry. I tried not to let it ruin the evening, but I didn’t feel quite right after that.

We had a private scan booked for the day after we returned home, hoping it would give us peace of mind. The scan itself was surreal. Seeing Brandon’s face as he watched the screen and seeing our baby for the first time is a moment I’ll never forget - it felt like pure magic. We went to Numiscan in Muswell Hill, and we were told everything looked fine. The sonographer said the heartbeat was “beating double,” which worried me, but he reassured us that it just meant it was strong.

A few days later, the bleeding started again - and this time, it became heavier. I was at work when it worsened, so I called my mum and we went to A&E. After waiting around for 2 hours, we were told to go home and return if I began soaking a sanitary pad every hour, as the Early Pregnancy Unit was closed. The next morning at 9am, I received a call asking me to come straight into the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit).

My mum was at work, so my best friend Hannah came with me. Despite the bleeding, I truly believed everything would be okay. I wasn’t in any pain and as I said, thought it was just implantation bleeding.

During the scan, Hannah looked at me and nodded giving me the reassurance I needed; she could see the baby on the screen. Once the consultant finished taking measurements, he read them out to the nurse and then said the words I never expected to hear:

“Alana, I’m sorry to have to tell you, but there is no heartbeat.”

At first, I actually smirked. I thought he must be joking. I was completely stunned… blindsided in fact. When it finally sank in, I broke down. I was sobbing, hyperventilating - completely inconsolable. I was 9 weeks, 6 days pregnant.

He immediately started talking about options: surgery or letting my body pass the baby naturally. I couldn’t process anything. I decided to go home and speak to my mum before making a decision.

Walking out of the hospital, still sobbing, reality hit me - I had meetings and an Ofsted inspector I had to speak to! Hannah rang my manager and director for me and explained everything. Mum met us outside the hospital and hugged me whilst we stood on the pavement, while I sobbed into her shoulder. She thanked Hannah for taking care of me, and honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without her.

On the way home, I called Brandon and sobbed down the phone, telling him that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. He was shocked but so loving. He said something I will never forget:

“We will have our little pea. It’s just delayed. Nothing changes - we just have more time to save and prepare, I love you so much Alana.”

In that moment, when my world felt like it had ended, those words grounded me.

After reading through the leaflets at home, Mum and I decided surgery would be best. One thing that really stuck with me was the consultant referring to my baby as “product.” It felt cold and like a deeply unsympathetic way to refer to something that is so precious to me.

I booked in for the vacuum aspiration surgery the following day and returned to the hospital for blood tests and measurements.

That evening - Thursday 30th October 2025 to be exact, I passed the baby naturally. The pain was indescribable. Absolute agony. Brandon and I snuggled up on the sofa but he then had to go because he had work super early in the morning and saving was what we wanted to focus on most. When he left, things escalated quickly. Around 2–2:30am, I was doubled over in pain. Hot water bottles didn’t help, so I got into the bath. I experienced constant contractions, and the only thing that gave even slight relief was the hot water.

By around 6am, I had miscarried. My mum and dad were there the whole time - refilling the bath with kettle water, supporting me through everything. Eventually, Mum helped me into bed, brushed my hair, and I slept for a couple of hours.

At 9am, I returned to hospital for surgery. I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink and ended up being last on the list. Typical knowing my luck! I waited all day. I finally went into theatre at around 5pm. It was bright, overwhelming, and there were about five or six professionals in the room. I was put under general anaesthetic.

When I woke up, the nurse told me there was still some “product” left, which they sent off for testing.

Whilst feeling the lowest I have ever felt, it dawned on me that it was Halloween - and I’d promised my nieces and nephews a party. Despite everything, I kept that promise. Forty-five minutes after surgery, I was home - stockings still on, name bands still attached and plastic stickers stuck to my chest - throwing on a cloak and a witch’s hat as the kids arrived. I didn’t want to let them down.

That night was also the first time our families met properly. I wasn’t in pain, and for a few hours, there was laughter, children, and normality - something I desperately needed.

I took five days off work at the hotel and a week off of my full-time job. The doctor advised waiting for one period before trying again, and that’s exactly what we did.

In all honesty, although the consultant said that there was nothing I could have done and it wasn’t my fault, I have always completely blamed myself. The amount of hours working I took on, I did not stop to rest once. I agreed to work every hour under the sun and didn’t listen to my body even though I knew I was tired, however, it is only now, after speaking to so many other women have I realised how common miscarriage is. I had no idea, until it happened to me.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for supporting my 2K-a-day challenge for Sands.

If sharing this story helps even one person feel less alone, then it’s worth telling. 🤍

Day 4 Update including a blog on when I first found out I was pregnant🤍

Hi everyone, I’ve just completed my daily challenge of 2K a day, and I actually managed to push myself today and complete 3K! 🏃‍♀️✨

Thank you so much to everyone who has donated, shared, and supported me so far — it honestly means more than you know.

I also thought it would be a really nice idea to document my pregnancy journey/story on this page, in case it helps anyone else feel less alone. So, I thought I’d start right from the beginning…

🌈 When I first found out I was pregnant

On the 29th September, I found out I was pregnant for the first time 🤍. Oh my gosh… I can’t even begin to explain the emotions I felt when I first saw that test. I remember it so clearly — it was a Monday evening, and I know it was a Monday because I had loads of meetings and minutes to complete and I was holding off so that I could get them done! I had an inkling the week before that something might be different as since losing weight, my periods had become regular, and at this point, I was a week late!

I had tests in the drawer, so I told myself I’d finish all my work first. It was around 6pm when I finally did the test. I did it… and then, for some reason, I put it under my pillow - strange I know but I wasn't ready to look! I logged off my laptop, tried to act normal in front of mum, and then went back to check.

Mum was sitting in her room and I was acting so shifty - but luckily, for once, she didn’t pick up on it! And then… I looked down and there was a line that could not be mistaken!  I was absolutely stunned - we’d been trying for months, so I just couldn’t believe it. My whole body started shaking and I was in complete shock!

The first thing I thought to do was text my best friend Hannah and say, “SOS Can I come round?”.  I couldn’t speak to my mum yet — I had to get out of the house! She of course said yes straight away. On the drive over, she kept calling me, and I kept saying, “Stop ringing me, I can’t talk, I’ll be there soon.”  But then she called again (this must be the 5th call!) and had clearly cottoned on to what was going on.

She said, “I’m making you a cup of tea… should I do decaf or normal?” 😂. I’m crying down the phone driving through Potters Bar past all the speed cameras, and I managed to say, “Decaf…” in what must have been the shakiest voice ever.

When I got there, she gave me the biggest cuddle. I just kept saying, “Oh my God, oh my God…”.  Her husband Matt came out, and honestly, he makes me laugh so much - we looked at each other and just burst out laughing 😂. We went straight to Tesco to get a digital test because no way are we trusting a non-digital!

Five tests later (which Hannah did and hid from me) while I paced around the living room like a mad woman. She called me in and her and Matt's smiles were from ear to ear. She said, "You are 1,000% pregnant!" and after checking, according to ChatGPT, I was 5 weeks and 4 days!

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Telling Brandon

The next thought was: “I’ve got to tell Brandon!.”  I sat with my cuppa for a while and suddenly for some unknown reason, I shot up and said, “I’ve got to go now, I've got to tell him now, I can’t wait".  My goodbye must have lasted about 30 seconds and I was off! I wasn’t even nervous or scared anymore at this point – just excited!

I drove straight to his house and actually got there before he came home from work. I hid the tests down the side of his bed. But when he came in, he’d had such a bad day. He was in a foul mood and I thought, Oh no… bad timing! 

I waited about three hours before finally saying, “Is it my turn to speak now? I have some exciting news.”  I said something along the lines of, “we are going to have a new adventure on our hands, because we're going to be a mummy and daddy!".  Then I pulled out the tests. He looked at them, completely stunned, and in the most helpless little voice said "What’s what? Ahhhh, your pregnant". I wish you could have heard his voice honestly. 🤣. I’ll never forget that moment. After that it was all hands-on deck talking about plans!

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 Telling Mum and Dad

The next day, Mum came upstairs with a cup of tea after the gym. I caught her on the hop just as she got in eye shot by the frame of the door and I just blurted out “Mum… you’re going to be a nanny.” I mean I know, what timing... I could have waited for her to put her drink down!

Her first reaction was worry - more panic than shock and she immediately asked, “What’s the plan?”. I was absolutely wide eyed because i didn’t have one!!  Truthfully… I had no plan. I was just so happy, and I knew I had support, and we’d somehow make it work. Mum thought it was better for her to tell dad as anyone who knows my dad knows he's a right character to say the least!

Mum told Dad over the phone the following day, and at first, his reaction wasn’t great - he panicked about money and where I’d live. But by that evening, he came into the Hotel where I work, kissed me, and said: “Let's do this.”  Suddenly, the anxiety turned into excitement. The next day he was already contacting Silver Cross about replacing a buggy handle from a limited-edition buggy that was in perfect nick that Callum had used - that’s how quickly it became real to him.

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Telling Callum

Once Dad had calmed down and the excitement started to kick in, straight away the pressure was on to tell my brother Callum! Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous about this whatsoever. I waited until Callum pulled up outside the house the following day, and I walked out to him trying not to laugh. He looked at me and said, “You alright Meat?”. Which is what he calls me. And I said, “Yeah, how are you, Uncle Callum?”.  He looked completely confused and said “What are you talking about? What’s wrong with you?”  and I just kept saying it — “No, I’m good… Uncle Callum”. Then it clicked and his eyes were wider than I’ve ever seen.

He gave me the biggest cuddle straight away and said: “You better go tell Jord! She's going to be so happy”.  It was like this wave of excitement had started - everyone wanted to know and be part of it.

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Telling Jordan

Later on, Jord came round with my niece and nephews. Everyone was hovering in the kitchen not knowing what to do with themselves as we were all excited to let Jordan in on the news, so I asked to speak to her upstairs. There was a song playing in the background (I honestly can’t remember what it was now), but I’ll never forget that moment. I said: “Hello, Auntie Jordan…”  and her reaction… I genuinely can’t even describe it. Out of everyone in the family, Jordan’s reaction was the best. The pure excitement, the happiness, the love - it was everything I could have hoped for. She was absolutely over the moon, and it made everything feel even more real. We went downstairs and everyone was talking about it in the kitchen, and the atmosphere completely changed. It was just joy.

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Letting Ava know

Because Ava is the age she is - honestly, she’s so grown up for her age -  it only felt right to let her in on the secret too. She’s such a clever, sensitive little girl, and it felt special to share that excitement with her as well. Ava was SO excited, i’ll never forget the look on her face as she was finally going to have a cousin! It was one of those moments where you just think… this is what family is all about.

That was the very start of it all - the first reactions, the shock, the happy tears, the nerves, and the excitement and as I continue this challenge for SANDS, I want to keep sharing my story, because so many people know that pregnancy doesn’t always come with simple happiness - and that’s why this charity means so much.

Thank you for reading ♥️

Day 3 ❤️

Running through heartbreak for the babies we've lost