Louisa Dixon

Esmond’s & RainbowSac Story

Sunday 28th Dec In 2018 me and my husband found out we was expecting a baby, felt like our lives would be complete. Down the line of weeks/months etc we got to 22 weeks went for our scan (confirmed it was a little boy) however the nurse noticed something wrong on screens scanning of the baby, the look on that nurse’s face told us something was wrong and wanted to bring another nurse in to check the suspicions on the scan and we were told that the baby may have skeletal dysplasia, we were left alone in the room I cried so much and so did my husband and my family as they were waiting outside the room and then we told them what we were told and my mum & my husband wanted another opinion so we went to Sheffield I was 26 weeks around that time and that doctor also confirmed what Doncaster hospital saw, he told us that our baby’s chest wasn’t growing to the right capacity and possibly no arms/legs etc it’s a rare condition and no cure 💔 skeletal dysplasia they called it. He advised us the kindest thing to do was terminate the pregnancy so I’d give birth to a stillborn or if we went ahead still we would see our little boy takes his last breath (I wanted to think about it with my husband) so we told him we’ll let him know our decision soon. I didn’t want to see my little boy in pain watching him take his breath (sometimes I think back on it now wishing what if I did and I don’t know maybe a miracle happened) we went ahead with the termination even though it was the most heartbreaking thing to ever do and I hated every moment laying down on that bed while he sticks a giant needle in my stomach to reach my baby’s heart to stop it and send him peacefully sleeping 💔 I wanted to cry so much but I brave myself till I got home. I gave birth on the 4th January 2019 to Esmond-James Dixon, you wouldn’t think anything was wrong when you looked at him he looked so perfect and beautiful! Down the line after loosing Esmond I became pregnant again due date would’ve been 17th December 2019 I was still hurting but hoping this pregnancy was real as I kept buying pregnancy tests to make sure the tests was still positive unfortunately down the line of going to scans etc thinking it was still early as no baby or anything appeared on the scans we were told very later on on our last scan we possibly had a early miscarriage as all their was was a sac but no little human 💔 I wanted to name my 2nd angel so I decided to call my 2nd one RainbowSac (reason why is because it would’ve been a rainbow baby but their was only a sac so RainbowSac) may sound silly to some but it made sense to me. So we celebrate the 17th Dec of their angel anniversary and we celebrate Esmond’s on 4th Jan. After everything with Esmond & RainbowSac we’ve been struggling since to become parents again 😞 I’d give anything to have my angels with me right now! Losing a child is something no parent should have to go through. Sands was there to support myself and my husband and now we want to give something back again. Please help me raise much needed funds so Sands can continue their work in supporting parents & families who have suffered baby loss. Thank you x Share