Laura Brook

My story

Friday 12th Sep So me and my rainbow baby Lilie have decided to do this to help raise funds for a really supportive charity. Unfortunately at 12 weeks I lost my baby. The terrible pain that ricochet through our family was incomprehensible. I felt responsible and as a result when inward to a place I can only describe as pure hell. I was lucky, if you can call it that as I had a great partner, family and friends and slowly I was able to start rebuilding myself. When I got pregnant with Lilie I have never been so overjoyed but this quickly evolved to guilt and sheer panic.  Physically it was a dream pregnancy with little to no sickness, plenty of energy and a baby thriving at every scan. Mentally though I was crumbling and slowly deteriorating. I was questioning am I mad? Am I going insane? Flashbacks and night terrors made me believe something was wrong and every milestone brought new terror. After somewhat traumatic arrival Lilie was here and I thought I would be able to breath again. Surely now she is here and I'm not solely responsible will I feel better. Alas the terror got worse and now not only was I waking from nightmares I was also waking to feed a very hungry newborn and sometimes just waking her up in my own terror. The support I have got from SANDS and perinatal mental health team has allowed me to work through. The terror has lifted and although sadness does still remain of the baby we never got hold or love , joy is also very present at the gift we have in Lilie. Lilie was born with an angel kiss birth mark on her forehead and I for sure belive that her elder sibling is very much still part of our little family watching over us all, still very much a big part of our little family.  Share